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Oops Brief: The Chicken Takes Wing

/ Karina Pinella / 11 Comments

Image: Pixabay

Kelly and her co-workers take their boss out to lunch to celebrate National Boss Lunch Day. They all like their boss, who is a generous and fair man. Each of them goes around the table to say a little something about their boss and toast him. Kelly happens to sit next to the man, so she turns toward him when her turn comes around.

Enthusiastic and nervous, she barely swallows the chunk of chicken she’s been chewing. As she simultaneously chortles, raises her glass, and says, “To the best boss ever,” tiny bits of meat fly out of her mouth and land on her boss’s glasses for all to see. To make light of the situation, he says, “Thanks, Kelly. Your delivery is spot on.”

Stay Attuned by Voyancé

/ Karina Pinella / 11 Comments

Image: Pixabay

The infamous Claire Vo Yancy aka Voyancé, Fate’s daughter, stopped by to give us a glimpse of the future. She’s mostly attuned to entertainment and technology. Let’s see what’s in store for us . . .

Voyancé: With reality shows being such a big part of entertainment, we will see more such shows targeting ever more specific audiences. Right now we have reality shows geared to dating and finding that right person, such as Are You the One?, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette. One of the shows I see on the horizon is called Are You the Last One?  This program is geared for those over 80 years old. Six elderly couples will try to figure out their final match.

Another one is a game called It Said, They Said, where half of the contestants are channeling an inanimate object. For example, one of them would try to express what a chair might say if given the chance. It’s going to be an exciting breakthrough for those who have always felt they were born to be a tchotchke. What I don’t know is whether the Supreme Court will sanction special restrooms built for them.

Meanwhile, we’re going to find greater transparency in a new reality show called The Capital Grill, which is a day in the life of our President. We will get to vote on who sits on the hot seat alongside the President toward the end of the show. It promises to be as big as The Voice.

As for technology, I see a new product coming called iAm, which is a robotic clone of the owner. It’s a stand-in for when you cannot or don’t want to attend a function, like a certain holiday party, but your presence is considered important. An iAm would allow you to be represented by a reasonable facsimile. It’s like astral traveling except people can see you.

Interviewer:  Thank you for sharing with us what we can expect. Do you have any last words?

Voyancé: One more show I almost forgot. It happens to be my favorite one. I can hardly wait for this. It’s called The Biggest Whiner. And it’s going to be great, big time. I’ll let you figure out what that could be about. Thanks for having me.

The Finish Line

/ Karina Pinella / 22 Comments

Image: Pixabay

Rich red wine
From the very best vine.
Drink and dine, drink and dine.
Later together me and you
Zip right through
This long powdery line.
Marking
The beginning
Of our decline.

The Ugly Sweater Chronicles: Ripped Off

/ Karina Pinella / 18 Comments

[A trilogy of “seamy” stories about the lure of ugly sweaters; 1 of 3]

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

The air is full of excitement. Tomorrow is Ugly Sweater Day and everyone is looking forward to it. People are staying longer in the water dispenser talking about their sweaters.

“My sweater has one big boob on one side, covered with a green pom-pom. Beat that!”

“Yah, that’s ugly. But mine has the body of a penguin on the front, right under the neckline.”

Snatches of conversation followed by guffaws can be heard in every corner. Darren sits at his desk, working, but obsessing on how he still doesn’t have an ugly sweater to wear for the big day. He went to Target over the weekend but the prices for ugly sweaters had been hiked. He’s not about to spend $35 for a sweater he wouldn’t wear more than once a year. Then, he remembers the discount department store at an outdoor shopping mall, which is a 15-minute walk from his office park.

When lunchtime approaches, Darren hurriedly heads over to the mall. He is forced to walk because his car is at the garage and not available until tomorrow. As much as he dislikes treading over roads with no sidewalks, he hates it even more if he doesn’t have an ugly sweater to wear the next day.

Having successfully reached the store, Darren goes to the clearance rack. He pumps his fist up in the air when he finds what he considers the ideal. After paying for it, he practically runs outside to get moving. The walk feels long because he has to retrace the terrible route that got him here. He clutches his bag as he tries to avoid being run down.

Suddenly, he’s knocked off his feet and lands on the small strip of dirt, off by the roadside. Did he get hit by a car? He feels as if he’s been punched in the back. What was it? As he raises his head, he sees two feet running off. He realizes that he’s been pushed. He feels around for his bag and sees it’s been stolen. Close to tears, he gets up, dusts himself off, and heads back to the mall. Tomorrow he will wear an ugly sweater, come hell or high water.

[See story 2]

Scents and Incensedsibility

/ Karina Pinella / 7 Comments
Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

I sense something afoot;
I scent a deadly toot,
That threatens to pollute.

You ate that massive bean burrito
Chased it with a glass of mojito,
So stop playing incognito.

No worries though;
I’ll clear the air flow,
By politely asking you to go.

Extreme Measures (a 50-word story)

/ Karina Pinella / 4 Comments
display

Image: Pixabay

Though blest with wealth beyond need, Langdon Carlsberg lacks the basic measure to feel manly. One day at a public lavatory, he chances upon a well-endowed man urinating next to him. Langdon befriends him.

Nine months later, Langdon is seen jogging down a nude beach, sporting his well-healed, long schlong.

Arrowbics (a 50-word story)

/ Karina Pinella / 5 Comments

chase

Undeterred from lacking funds, the four friends create their version of a CrossFit program, which they claim requires more sweat and guts. The challenge involves archery and lots of movement.

Used to being the point man, Derek harnesses onto his back the archery target with his friends in hot pursuit.

Bottoms Up (a 50-word story)

/ Karina Pinella / 7 Comments
to the arse

Image: Pixabay

Although poor, the four friends still have fun. With a six-pack, a deserted parking lot lit by a full moon, a radio, and a dart board game, they have created a makeshift outdoor pub.

“My turn tonight,” Derek says, as he straps the dartboard onto his butt and stoops over.