The Garden Hall Room at the Radish Hotel is brimming with activity. Laughter and excited conversations rise above the music. A classic color-changing jukebox is playing a 1960s song by The Platters, Under the Boardwalk. Atop a long banquet table is a generous spread of various foodstuff. A variety of fruits are gathered together, focused on their own animated chatter among themselves, as the following snippets are overheard:
Bananas: We about peeled when we learned we won for doing the best split.
Grapes: You know some people think we’re just a bunch of winos.
Pineapple: I hope you know that you’re always welcome to visit.
Watermelon: My doctor planted a seed in my mind to make me think it’s all water weight.
Cherry: So one night my young lover and I agreed to go for it . . . for the very first time.
Peaches: We swear by the brand of that blade, which will cut through any fuzz.
Oranges: Everyone thinks we’re so irresistible they can’t help but squeeze us.
Kiwifruit: We prefer not to be called Chinese gooseberry anymore.
Pear: Okay, so I’m not from a shapely lot. So eat me.
Strawberries: We were left out in the fields . . . seems like forever.
Six-word story version:
Cartwright realized he will never sail.
Expanded version — 12-word story:
Land bound, Cartwright accepted his destiny — never to sail the high seas.
The cart that couldn’t.
On the boardwalk with no sail,
Only treads for wear.
Part 1: Little Joe
Part 2: Little Joe and Jo
Part 3: Just Jo (and multiple squeaks)
They are so miserly, they usually breakfast on moldy bread topped with moldy cheese. Expiration dates on products mean nothing to them. Comfortable with their pace of consumption, they want for nothing. Their brood follows the same values, as they continue to proliferate. They come from a long line of hardy stock. Next time you run into one of them, you might either scream or stomp on their hard shells. Cockroaches are fast though, so be prepared to chase them for months until they leave you unscrewed.
Kelly and her co-workers take their boss out to lunch to celebrate National Boss Lunch Day. They all like their boss, who is a generous and fair man. Each of them goes around the table to say a little something about their boss and toast him. Kelly happens to sit next to the man, so she turns toward him when her turn comes around.
Enthusiastic and nervous, she barely swallows the chunk of chicken she’s been chewing. As she simultaneously chortles, raises her glass, and says, “To the best boss ever,” tiny bits of meat fly out of her mouth and land on her boss’s glasses for all to see. To make light of the situation, he says, “Thanks, Kelly. Your delivery is spot on.”
The infamous Claire Vo Yancy aka Voyancé, Fate’s daughter, stopped by to give us a glimpse of the future. She’s mostly attuned to entertainment and technology. Let’s see what’s in store for us . . .
Voyancé: With reality shows being such a big part of entertainment, we will see more such shows targeting ever more specific audiences. Right now we have reality shows geared to dating and finding that right person, such as Are You the One?, The Bachelor, The Bachelorette. One of the shows I see on the horizon is called Are You the Last One? This program is geared for those over 80 years old. Six elderly couples will try to figure out their final match.
Another one is a game called It Said, They Said, where half of the contestants are channeling an inanimate object. For example, one of them would try to express what a chair might say if given the chance. It’s going to be an exciting breakthrough for those who have always felt they were born to be a tchotchke. What I don’t know is whether the Supreme Court will sanction special restrooms built for them.
Meanwhile, we’re going to find greater transparency in a new reality show called The Capital Grill, which is a day in the life of our President. We will get to vote on who sits on the hot seat alongside the President toward the end of the show. It promises to be as big as The Voice.
As for technology, I see a new product coming called iAm, which is a robotic clone of the owner. It’s a stand-in for when you cannot or don’t want to attend a function, like a certain holiday party, but your presence is considered important. An iAm would allow you to be represented by a reasonable facsimile. It’s like astral traveling except people can see you.
Interviewer: Thank you for sharing with us what we can expect. Do you have any last words?
Voyancé: One more show I almost forgot. It happens to be my favorite one. I can hardly wait for this. It’s called The Biggest Whiner. And it’s going to be great, big time. I’ll let you figure out what that could be about. Thanks for having me.