Hairific: Toupee Tuesday

another hairific day

Image: Pixabay

A Series of Ludicrously Bad Hair Days, Day 2; see Day 1

[Poetry crashing into a short story]

“My toupee has blown away!” False Hairy screams.

“Everyone, please don’t move.” Maddie turns off the ceiling fan and apologizes, “I’m sorry, False Hairy, for forgetting some of us have hair that may go astray while the fan moves like a schizo UFO.”
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Hairific: Mousey Monday

a series of bad hair days, day 1

Image: Pixabay

A Series of Ludicrously Bad Hair Days, Day 1

[Poetry in collusion with a short story]

Haironymous Bush reads the plaque on the door. Inside are people of varied sizes, ages, and sexual persuasions with one thing in common and nothing more. Their bad hair days outnumber the good. They all stand in attention as their Chapter Hairmeister, Maddie O’Hare, leads the opening prayer, “Dear Lord, help us overcome our frizzies, split ends, and turmoil over our tresses. Bless us with a calmer mood.”
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Dorkylicious

Parody of Fergalicious

Image: Pixabay

[The song below is a loose parody of the hip-hop (rap) song Fergalicious, featuring Fergie and will. i. am of The Black Eyed Peas. To listen to the real song:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5T0utQ-XWGY ]

(one, dos, three, cuatro)

Hey, hey, hear me out
Here’s a ditty come straight from my dorky heart
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Oops Brief: The Trail

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

Mary Jo rushes to the airport’s public restroom. She has less than five minutes to greet Drew Hanson in the meeting lounge. He is one of her company’s bigger accounts and she has been sent to give him their preliminary report. As a habit drilled into her as a child, she quickly lines the seat with toilet tissue. She sits and relieves herself. After washing her hands, she dashes out, unaware of the toilet paper trailing behind her like a bride going down the aisle. Her face is ablaze with enthusiasm as she eagerly goes forth to make a good impression in her first client meeting.

Fluorescent Light Zone: Flounder

(A simple typo in a work email regarding booking a conference room called the Fish Bowl, because of its glass walls, becomes an object of despair for an unwitting working stiff — in the Fluorescent Light Zone.)

To: N. _ _ _ _ _
From: D. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Date: xx/xx/16
RE: Conference Room Request

Hi N.,
Please book the Fish Bowel from noon to two tomorrow. We’ll have lunch served there too . . . .

—————————————————————————————
(N. forwarded the flub to a co-worker friend for a one-minute giggle and the friend responded.)

To: N. _ _ _ _ _
From: A. _ _ _ _ _ _ _

That’s pretty shitty.

______________________________________________

As part of the Company’s Email Security Policy, random checks were being performed that day and the messages above were read by the IT Security Officer, who then had the HR Officer read them. In turn, the HR Officer showed it to D. _ _ _ _ , the requester of said conference room. D. was reprimanded because the error generated an unprofessional exchange that included a swear word. The powers that be had a brief meeting and concluded that such swear word is a gateway to more caustic swear words. As a result, D. was suspended from work for two days without pay and given the arduous project of writing 100 times with pen on paper the name of the conference room spelled correctly.

Moral: Do not flounder or you’ll be filleted and cooked like the proverbial fish jumping from the frying pan into the fire, as can only be experienced in the Fluorescent Light Zone.

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

Zombody to Love

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

Tricia and Don used to roam naked in their house so they could make love wherever and whenever. Once they raided the kitchen and painted each other with peanut butter and jelly. It made for a body-lickin’ good lunch. They followed it with a race to the tub for a memory-lasting scrubby-dub-dub. Rapturous times.

A few years went by. They got up, took off their pajamas, showered, dressed, and went about their business. A new routine. Their marriage counselor assured them, “You’re just going through the zombie stage. This too shall pass. ”

Neurotica

Twin sisters, Veronica and Erica,
Identical of face,
Yet different in many ways.

Always fretting with a permanent tic,
Veronica is neurotic.
Full of verve and nerve,
Erica loves anything exotic or erotic.

A grand family reunion is planned.
Surprise, surprise!
They discover a third sister,
Their long-lost triplet separated at birth.

Her name is Jessica,
Who has an obsession for kinky fashion.
She’s Veronica and Erica combined–
A neurotica, as defined.

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay