Mortdecai (a movie review)

I didn’t finish this movie because it was mortifyingly dull. I thought Johnny Depp was miscast as Mortdecai, a nearly broke British aristocrat with a budding mustache that repulses his wife, Gwyneth Paltrow. The opening scene is Johnny, as Mortdecai, talking to a group of Chinese hoodlums. When Johnny was talking, my immediate thought was the movie was trying to be like the Pink Panther remakes in which Lieutenant Clouseau is played by Steve Martin, who mangles the French language. Johnny Depp’s British accent sounded forced; he didn’t pull it off like Steve Martin did with his funny French accent in the Pink Panther movies. (I wish Steve Martin would star in a new movie. I’ve seen all his movies, but that’s another list.)

Simon Pegg would have made a good Mortdecai. Ewan McGregor, who also starred in the movie, is good as always. But his presence alone this time around couldn’t save the rest of the cast. The movie’s lines were borderline funny if they were better delivered.

I’ve ranked below the movies I’ve watched starring Johnny Depp, who was not always the main character. Number 1 is the best and the last is the worst. I will update when I see another movie with him in it.

1. Ed Wood
2. Don Juan DeMarco
3. Secret Window
4. Benny & Joon
5. Cry-Baby
6. Tusk
7. Edward Scissorhands
8. What’s Eating Gilbert Grape
9. Sleepy Hollow
10. Transcendence
11. Dead Man
12. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
13. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
14. The Tourist
15. Alice in Wonderland
16. Rango
17. Corpse Bride
18. Pirates of Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest and Pirates of Caribbean: At World’s End
19. Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street
20. The Libertine
21. Finding Neverland
22. Dark Shadows
23. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
24. Into the Woods
25. Mortdecai

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