Thank you kindly, vcreationss, for nominating me for the Quote Challenge. Because I’ve already done this challenge, I’m doing something a little different. Three of the attributions below are fictional, while one is not. Your mission is to determine how quote challenged I am. Which one is quoted by another? The answer is at the bottom of the post.
“Happiness is a warm gum.”
— Comedian George Burns in his nineties
“Forget putting my face on the $20 bill. Just put it in my pocket.”
— a working stiff with shallow pockets
“We can’t make people change, but we can ask them for spare change.”
— the NYC naked cowboy
“Spread the table with good-looking food and no one will notice you left out the salt.”
— Julia Child
Answer: A working stiff (who happens to be an office colleague)
A Series of Ludicrously Bad Hair Days, Day 2; see Day 1
[Poetry crashing into a short story]
“My toupee has blown away!” False Hairy screams.
“Everyone, please don’t move.” Maddie turns off the ceiling fan and apologizes, “I’m sorry, False Hairy, for forgetting some of us have hair that may go astray while the fan moves like a schizo UFO.”
A Series of Ludicrously Bad Hair Days, Day 1
[Poetry in collusion with a short story]
Haironymous Bush reads the plaque on the door. Inside are people of varied sizes, ages, and sexual persuasions with one thing in common and nothing more. Their bad hair days outnumber the good. They all stand in attention as their Chapter Hairmeister, Maddie O’Hare, leads the opening prayer, “Dear Lord, help us overcome our frizzies, split ends, and turmoil over our tresses. Bless us with a calmer mood.”
Act 1: Behind the Times
“Oh . . .”
Act 2: Rearing to Go
Act 3: Bottoms Up
(A simple typo in a work email regarding booking a conference room called the Fish Bowl, because of its glass walls, becomes an object of despair for an unwitting working stiff — in the Fluorescent Light Zone.)
To: N. _ _ _ _ _
From: D. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
RE: Conference Room Request
Please book the Fish Bowel from noon to two tomorrow. We’ll have lunch served there too . . . .
(N. forwarded the flub to a co-worker friend for a one-minute giggle and the friend responded.)
To: N. _ _ _ _ _
From: A. _ _ _ _ _ _ _
That’s pretty shitty.
As part of the Company’s Email Security Policy, random checks were being performed that day and the messages above were read by the IT Security Officer, who then had the HR Officer read them. In turn, the HR Officer showed it to D. _ _ _ _ , the requester of said conference room. D. was reprimanded because the error generated an unprofessional exchange that included a swear word. The powers that be had a brief meeting and concluded that such swear word is a gateway to more caustic swear words. As a result, D. was suspended from work for two days without pay and given the arduous project of writing 100 times with pen on paper the name of the conference room spelled correctly.
Moral: Do not flounder or you’ll be filleted and cooked like the proverbial fish jumping from the frying pan into the fire, as can only be experienced in the Fluorescent Light Zone.
Penny and her brother, Sam, are browsing in aisle 7 at a local store, which is fairly crowded that day. Penny gasps as she senses something deep in her intestines. She sidles to Sam as she releases a silent sulfurous odor. As people nearby glance their way, they see a girl acting as if her brother is guilty of something. His face, in turn, is flushed, though not from embarrassment but from holding his breath.
Image from Pixabay
©2015 Karina Pinella