This isn’t an instructional video. It’s a comedy about an aging boy toy named Maximo, played by Mexican actor and comedian, Eugenio Derbez, who is tossed out by his much older sugar mama for a much younger man. Although Maximo has a friend, another aging trophy boy played by Rob Lowe and who lives with his own sugar mama in a mansion, the friend can’t put him up there because every room is a make-out place at any given moment. Maximo then seeks out his younger sister, played by Salma Hayek, whom he hasn’t contacted for years. She is a widow and single mom of a 10-year-old boy. Maximo’s attempt to use his somewhat antiquated notion of sexy skills to educate his impressionable nephew and charm a replacement wealthy dowager played by Raquel Welch is hilarious. The party scene with Maximo in the swimming pool is alone worth the price of admission. Get your sexy on and learn how to move those hips. Other stars joining this funny ensemble cast include Kristen Bell and Linda Lavin.
The story immediately sets up to what will lead to a murder and a case of someone being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Toward the end, I didn’t want to put the book down because I had to know if the wrongly accused will be vindicated against the odds. This is a debut book by a lawyer who not only writes expertly on courtroom scenes, but in a very compelling way, too. The main storyline, intriguing subplots, and R-rated sex scenes all come together into a cohesive and smooth read. Weaved in are some interesting facts about pearls, a quirky scientific cellular material, and a way to cheat using technology. Although this is the writer’s first novel, he has published a short story in a literary magazine. What’s even more inspirational to me is that several years back, the author and I were in a writing group together, along with four or five other aspiring scribes. Today, three in our group have had at least one work published, so I am fortunate to have been in the company of talented writers.
Recommend the book to your local library. To read it immediately, go to Amazon.com:
Part 3 of 3, see Part 2
Ron surveyed the unit, satisfied his studio apartment looked tidy. He ran to the daybed to make sure he put in new sheets. This might just be the night. A light tap on the front door prompted him to straighten his shirt and greet his guest.
“You look great.” Ron swallowed, as he noticed the top two buttons of Ronnie’s blouse were undone, allowing a glimpse of cleavage.
He took her hand and led her inside. “I thought we could have our dinner first and then relax over there on the couch.” He gestured for her to sit. “Here, please.” He pulled out a folding chair from the makeshift table, made up of two TV trays facing each other.
“Pretty candles.” Ronnie commented on the centerpiece.
Ron thanked her, glad he decided to buy the two red votive candles instead of settling for his little electric lantern, seeing that the dancing flames looked more romantic than a LED.
He took out the meatloaf and mashed potatoes from the oven, relieved he had gotten to the grocery store on time before they ran out of dinner entrées. “I hope you like it.” He placed the food on the table and sat across from her.
“Thank you for making dinner. You’re quite the cook.” She beamed at him.
“I admit I’m a man of a few hidden talents.” Ron hemmed and hawed, as he bit into the meatloaf and found it to be dry. “Oops, forgot the music.” He got up and turned on the radio to a station that played instrumental music.
They ate mostly in silence, smiling at each other between bites. After they finished, Ron served cupcakes, which they quickly consumed. Almost bounding out of his chair, he guided her to the sofa.
“I’d like to read to you a poem I’ve been working on all week.” He took out an index card from his shirt pocket. Clearing his throat, he read:
“Roses are red, violets are blue,
Every day and every night, I think of you.
You opened the door to my heart,
Which I gladly give to you in a cart.
One slam is all it takes to make me say bye.
Then I cry because I’m a sensitive guy.”
Ronnie sighed and wiped an eye. “That is the most beautiful poem anyone has ever written for me.” Ronnie cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. “I adore your face, Ron.” They both held each other’s eyes. She started unbuttoning her blouse.
He placed his hand on her arm, interrupting her reveal. “Ronnie, I have something to tell you about me.”
She looked at him expectantly.
“I . . . I . . . ahem . . . I’ve never done it. I’ve never met anyone who liked me enough to . . . “
Ron felt Ronnie take his chin so he was forced to look her in the eyes. She smiled at him and said:
“Daisies are yellow, carnations are pink,
Let me tell you what I think,
You bring out the poetry in me
Flowing so naturally.
I see it as a sign
For you and me to entwine. “
Though they fumbled at first, Ron finally had his cherry burst.
With a flourish, Cupid bows after recounting his latest accomplishment to his rapt audience. “Thank you, all, for your loving attention. I’m overjoyed to see yet another match come together so well.”
[To read the beginning: see Part 1]
She’s struck by his broad shoulders, but then catches herself. They found each other online, “Sex with a Twist.” As he steps inside, she asks, “Where’s your twin?” They’ve agreed to do a threesome.
“No worries.” He takes off his jacket and reveals a small head grinning on his shoulder.
“Barney!” Betsy screams, paralyzed by the sight of the eight-legged creature that appears to peer at her from the bathroom corner.
Betsy’s husband, Barney, runs inside the bathroom, where his wife is naked and dripping from getting out of the shower.
“I’m too afraid to get my towel. That thing is too close. Help!” Betsy screeches while rubbing her arms.
Barney is still eyeing Betsy. As a newlywed, he’s still in awe of how lucky he is to be married to such a voluptuous beauty. He quickly forgets why he was summoned. He strides over to Betsy, picks her up, and beds her down.
Caught off guard, but pleasantly so, Betsy too forgets about the spider, as they romp around the bed. As she closes into the moment of no return, her eyes flutter open and catch the dangling spider from the ceiling. She screams as if there is no tomorrow.
A Series of Ludicrously Bad Hair Days, Day 3; see Day 2
[Poetry mashed with a short story]
Rebecca, who is known in their circle as Thin Hair, and Harry, who we know is False Hairy, find a coffee shop near the place of group therapy. They eye each other hungrily, as they feel the heat emanate from their respective chemistries.
“False Hairy, I hope you won’t think me forward, but as an older woman, I tend to get straight to the point. You make my heart beat as I gaze at your face so sweet.”
Pete has mixed feelings as he listens to Joe about Rose. At one time, Pete thought she was the one who would end his self-imposed celibacy. It was a close call, but now he’s glad he waited. Ironically, it was the waiting that ruined their relationship, but in many ways saved him after he found out more about her.
Fancy meeting you,
Free fall like a waterfall;
No ties, just one night.
A funny boy-meets-girl movie that primarily takes place over the course of a full day. Without giving too much away, it’s about two women striking up a conversation with one of them unwittingly becoming a matchmaker. The consequences are hilarious and lead to a bunch of amusing scenes. The movie stars Simon Pegg, who plays a 40-year-old man trying to reconcile his feelings of loss over his divorce, and Lake Bell, who plays a socially awkward 34-year-old woman. She’s become cynical about romance because of compounded past hurts.
Rose petals strewn on the ground
Candlelit wild love