Poetic Just Us (Redux)

(3rd of a mini-series of taking poetic license)

At first it was the land and the sea
That separated you and me
Before we could be just us.

Then your hours got shorter,
And Skype made it a little better
Before we could be just us.

Hard to believe you are here with me,
But can you turn off the TV?
Before we can be just us.

Get horizontal,
So we can be full frontal
And finally we can be just us.

Image: Pixabay

You may also want to read the mini-series Poetic Just Is:
1st
2nd
4th
5th

Poetic Just Is

(1st of a mini-series of taking poetic license)

I made a decision.
Stop with the inquisition.
It just is.

My mind is made,
Nothing more to be weighed.
It just is.

Simply admire the gloss,
And accept that I’m my own boss.
It just is.

There’s no age limit
To getting a mullet.
So get used to it.

Image: Pixabay

You may also want to see:
2nd of the mini-series
3rd of the mini-series
4th of the mini-series
5th and last of the mini-series

Orlando

Opening Spring Fling in Florida – Part 2 of 3

Our return to an expanded Disney Springs.

(sung to the tune of Abba’s Fernando)

Can you hear the gasp, Orlando?
I remember long ago when souvenirs were less than this
On a fire sale day, Orlando.
You’ve come a long way from a few shops to miles of chains
I could hear the constant ka-ching,
And sounds of consumerism from all over.

They are so many now, Orlando.
Every hour, every minute a sale is made
My eyes are glazed, Orlando.
Every turn I make, there’s a character from the past and present,
And I’m a little ashamed to say,
The sights and sounds still impress me.

Other parts:
Part 1
Part 3

Opening Spring Fling in Florida

Part 1 of 3

My family and I had our own mini-celebration just a week before Major League Baseball’s Opening Day on March 29th. We went for a brief visit to Florida, where we stayed with friends and, among other things, went boating in Kissimmee, bopped around in Orlando, and enjoyed the beaches and downtown sites of historic St. Augustine. This was our way of welcoming the new season with faces turned to the sun and arms open wide to embrace the warm weather (even though we experienced two more nor’easters upon our return home). Not to be deterred, our recent memories of good times mixed with  sunny days and beautiful evenings will be presented here and in the next two posts. It’s just a reminder for those up north that spring will soon feel like spring!

Kiss-a-me, Why Don’t Ye?
Water-sprayed hair,
Laughter fills the air,
As old friends toast,
Listening to Margaritaville
And other oldies from the ‘70s,
Eighties, and 90s,
O, Sun, kiss-a-me,
Why don’t ye?

Part 2
Part 3

Game of Thongs: The Walk of Confidence

Part 3 of 4A Matter of Wear and Tear series
Part 1 posted on 8/24/17
Part 2 posted on 8/26/17

(Warning: Some language and sexual references may be objectionable)

Both fashionably late in joining the other contestants onstage, the first up is Crissy Bannister, tall and regal in her royal blue, silken thong. Rising from the waist of her thong is a plumage of peacock feathers held by a strip of flesh-toned material securely attached to her back. The colorful plumage hovers a couple of feet above her head. Appearing right behind her is Dana Tara Gong, whose presentation is equally imposing.

In keeping with her stage name as the Dragon Lady, Dana’s gilded-trimmed thong is adorned with sequins resembling reptilian scales. Attached to the back part of her thong is a pair of wings, resplendent with the same gilded and sequined patterns. Perched between her wings is a tiny, gold-shellacked canister connected to two silver hoses. From behind, one hose trails into a long tube, which is attached on a shoulder pad protruding 12 inches from where the pad is fastened on her shoulder. The other, much longer hose connects to a wrist band on her right hand. Jutting under her band is a button, which when pressed, sends out a whoosh of flames from the long tube atop her shoulder.

Theo swallows and mouths the word “shit” to Anya, who is posing next to him.

She whispers, “The person who fears losing is already screwed.”

Theo retorts, “Losing so terribly sucks, while winning gets you many free fucks.”

Sunny, who is on Theo’s other side, murmurs, “There is no humor in pricks.”

From the speakers, trumpets sound off, signaling the emcee to appear. Stepping boldly onstage he announces, “Welcome to our 70th annual game of thongs!” The audience bursts into applause.

The emcee shows off a sandaled foot, as he continues, “How do you like my thong?” The crowd laughs even though they’ve heard the same joke about his flip-flops every year. “For years we have been graced by our creative townies, showing off the latest design and style in thongwear. I would like to thank our sponsor that started this tradition, Made-in-Ware Ironclad Thongs.” Another round of applause ensues.

“This year marks a milestone for us because we will be retiring this contest after today.” Gasps from both audience and participants alike follow, with many muttering “Shame, shame, shame!” only barely under their breaths. The emcee holds up a hand to stop. “Please, this has been the longest running event ever this town has ever had, and we at the Chamber of Commerce Activities Committee think it’s time to have a new contest, but that’s going to be for another venue to announce. Right now, let’s focus on the show. As you all know, the prize has always been a year’s supply of thongs from our generous sponsor. But, this year, the winner will also receive the iron throne as the grand prize!”

The emcee directs everyone’s attention to the glistening throne with an M-shaped back. Although the seat of honor is referred to as an iron throne, it is made of stainless steel. The seat is mesh, usually found in office chairs, but that is the only similarity between the two. Sewn on the throne’s mesh is the front of an oversized thong.

All the participants’ eyes light up. Dana and Crissy give each other the evil eye. Juan, Theo, Sunny, Anya, and Tyrone seek out one another’s attention, each thinking their friendship might be on the line by vying for the prize.  Tyrone rolls his eyes and philosophizes to himself, “Breeze and bullshit. We are only dust, and our maker created us for fun. That is our great challenge, and our great demise.”

To be continued . . . 

Game of Thongs: The Outhouse


Part 2 of 4
A Matter of Wear and Tear series
 Part 1 posted on 8/24/17

(Warning: Some language and sexual references may be objectionable)

Anya runs to Walter. “What happened?” She can hear his muffled voice still uttering, “O’dore . . .” She turns him over and cradles his face. Then she presses her ear close to his mouth. A look of realization flashes on her face.

“’Oh, the odor’ is what you’re saying! Portable toilets can be stinky. Walter, I’m sorry it was so bad, but you need to get up if you want to be in the running.” Anya gently shakes him. Sunny joins them and tries to straighten out what little fabric she can salvage. To make matters worse, Walter’s fall landed him on some pebbles that poked some holes on his thong.

Walter sits up and thanks them. He looks down at his ruined design and says, “When you play the game of thongs, you wear it or you tear it. You can’t return it.” He exhales, “Looks like I’m sitting out the contest this year. I shoulda listened to my mom and used a real toilet before coming here. Never use a port-o-let without adequate cover . . . and a nose clip. Let that be a lesson learned.”

“The things we sniff destroy us every time, man. Store that in your skull,” Theo reinforces Walter’s words, as he and the rest continue walking toward the stage. Secretly, he’s glad to have one less rival to compete with.

Juan, Theo, Sunny, Anya, and Tyrone are met with applause as they parade onto the stage, taking their place among the others. Good to see not too many participants this year, Tyrone thinks. His plan in spreading his crabs apparently worked, although at the expense of having to suffer through it himself. But he had cleverly designed his thong to hide any evidence of discomfort and disease.

Juan surveys the group and notices two more people have yet to join them. Just then, the crowd erupts into cheering and hand-clapping, louder than the reception he and his friends received. As the cheering continues to grow louder, he sees the two, fashionable late-comers prance onto the stage.

This year is going to be a slaughter, Juan thinks, as he eyes the two show stoppers—two well-known locals who also happen to be arch enemies: Crissy Bannister and Dana Tara Gong.

To be continued . . . 

Game of Thongs (A Matter of Wear and Tear series)

Part 1 of 4

(Warning: Some language and sexual references may be objectionable)

Summer has come. The annual thong pageant has begun. A throng of staunch thong supporters gather before the stage, set against the nautical backdrop of the beach. Friends and families of the contestants call out to their hopeful entrants. Locals and out-of-towners alike sit and stand together with anticipation. For as long as any of the loyal followers can remember, the battle of the thongs is an event that’s been going on for years. Because the competition is open only to permanent residents, the ceremony has a rather incestuous reputation. Nonetheless, everyone ultimately has great fun and the celebratory bash after the show is even more of a blast.

Meanwhile, in the makeshift backstage, made up of rows of connected cabanas, the contenders get ready as they string on their thong, along with other accessories. Every year, the stake gets higher for how original one can be in designing and presenting their strips of decadent material.

“If I look back, I can see your crack.” Theo Silverbliss teases Juan Nieves, as they both don their thongs.

Juan sighs, “If you keep looking, you’ll get lost in the abyss.”

“This place makes people strange,” Sunny Lark says from her own little area, across from them.

Sunny’s sister, Anya, pipes up, “I swear to you wearing a thong is a thousand times harder than designing one.”

Sunny and Anya’s cousin, Tyrone, groans as he walks by them. “A sore is a reminder . . . and each reminder makes me angrier.” By “sore,” he is referring to the unfortunate red scratch marks in his pubic area. “Once you’ve acquired crabs, no one will want to sleep with you.”

“TMI, dear cuz, please.” Anya shakes her head at Tyrone. Sunny smiles at Tyrone and agrees. “That’s shorthand for a little too much information, darling. Come on, let’s go and show them our stuff!”

The three cousins, Juan, and Theo head toward the stage. Passing a portable toilet, they see a friend, Walter, stumble out, gasping and mumbling, “O’dore . . . o’dore . . .” Barely strung on, his thong threatens to flap open, and then he trips, face down.

To be continued . . . 

Door Phase

Part 2 of 3; see Part 1

restaurant

Ron couldn’t believe how long he’d been seeing Ronnie. Three weeks, two days, one hour, and 45 seconds, as he looked at the time change on his smartphone, the screen looking good as new. He had never had a real girlfriend to speak of so he wasn’t sure what stage he’s in now that it appears to be continuing.

After pondering this a bit, he determined he’s in the “door phase,” which means to him he has yet to get past the door after taking her back to her place. At least he’s not getting it slammed in his face. That’s progress. Another forward move is that she seems to have gotten over her ex, although he wasn’t quite sure in what way he was an ex. He thought about their date last night.

“I’m so happy we ran into each other,” said Ronnie as she looked deeply into Ron’s eyes. Then they both burst out laughing because that was exactly how they met.

Now settled down and seated with Ronnie at his favorite Italian restaurant, Ron said, “I don’t know if this is too soon to ask, but I often wonder if you’re still thinking about your ex-boyfriend.”

“Oh, he’s just an ex, but I don’t know if I would call him my boyfriend. We dated only a couple of times and then he would text me. But, he never asked me out again. He just kept texting almost every day, letting me know about his day and saying we should get together again. And then, that day the two of us met in the park, he simply said he wasn’t interested in me anymore. I don’t know now why I cried so hard. I guess I was afraid I’d never meet anyone again.”

“I was thinking the very same thing, actually. It was fate that brought us together. To be honest with you, I’ve never been with a woman this long.” Ron’s revelation made him think about his secret.

Ronnie gasped and replied, “First of all, I always thought that since we have almost the same nicknames, I felt we were meant to meet and . . . I also have never been with anyone this long.”

Suddenly overcome with emotion, Ron said, “Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m so glad I got to know you.”

“How sweet . . .”

“I’ve never felt moved to write a poem before until I met you . . . my moose, you inspire me.”

“Uh, I think it’s pronounced muse,” she whispered.

“Oh, all this time I thought it . . . no wonder it seemed kind of odd. Anyway, this is so new to me, writing poems and all that’s involved with it.”  Ronnie smiled.

As they both held hands and savored the moment, their server suddenly appeared and presented the check. The distraction ruined the mood and Ron soon took her home shortly after paying for a dinner that set him back nearly half a paycheck. But he felt it was about time to spring for a good meal. Going out to coffee shops didn’t give them enough time to talk as much as they did during dinner. He almost confided in her, but perhaps he can wait until Valentine’s Day that’s coming up soon.

To be continued . . .

Doorface

Part 1 of 3

Image: Pixabay

Image: Pixabay

SLAM

Bam!

“. . . damn . . .”  Ronald “Ron” Vermont stroked his nose and walked away from the unwelcome response to what he thought was a romantic overture.

Ron felt like he would never find anyone again. For the last year, he’d been facing closed doors when it came to finding someone to date. Now, it had become literal. What was wrong with him? Sure, he was no Brad Pitt, but he was neither over or underweight. He brushed his teeth and bathed regularly. He still had his hair and his car didn’t spew black smoke. WTF.

With the afternoon sun still shining, he decided to walk through the Commons to people watch if nothing else. As he strolled the winding path, his smartphone buzzed. “Sounds like the text tone,” he thought, so he looked down to see if maybe the dating app he had signed up for had generated interest. He looked to see who texted him.

“Whoa!”

“Crap!” Suddenly Ron had run into another person. Both dropped their smartphones simultaneously, and as both bent down to pick them up, they hit their heads together.

“I’m seeing stars now,” Ron said as he tried to adjust his vision to see who he butted heads with.

“I’m so sorry, I was looking down at my phone . . .” The woman then realized that he must have been too.

Ron noticed the cracked screen on his $600 iPhone, and heard cursing from the woman, who must also have experienced some damage.

“The hazards of not paying attention when walking in public, right?” The woman said, as she showed him the cracked screen on her device.

“This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I’m usually good at avoiding phone crashes. I just had a lot on my mind.” Ron apologized.

“The funny thing is I hate it when people text and walk at the same time. I got caught up with the message because I just got dumped.” She started crying.

Ron looked around, unsure what to do, but seeing that she was attractive even with mucus bubbling under her nose, he tried to comfort her. “Hey, listen, why don’t we get our screens fixed and go get a cup of coffee or tea. My friend had his screen busted and he told me where it can be fixed right. It’s not too far from here.”

“I don’t even know you. What if you’re a serial killer?” She started crying again.

Ron introduced himself and told her where he worked and lived. He even shared his distaste for horror movies and violent video games. “I couldn’t kill a spider even if you put it in front of me,” he concluded.

“We have almost the same names. My friends call me Ronnie, short for Veronica.” Ronnie’s crying subsided, replaced with hiccups. “I guess we can walk together to get our phones fixed. . .  Thanks for assuring me you’re not a slasher.” They both laughed and started to walk toward the shop to get their repairs.

After they dropped off their phones, they walked to a coffee shop to wait. As each ordered tea, they found they had quite a lot in common. Ron found he liked her enough to worry about his secret. . .

To be continued . . .