humor

Hit Pause for Santa Claus

/ Karina Pinella / 4 Comments

Hey, hey, gimme a
minute,
Ya hear?

Hit Pause for Santa Claus,

I spend all year
Getting all the toys in gear
Show me some Christmas cheer.

Hear, hear,

Hit Pause for Santa Claus,

Ain’t askin’ you to stop your career,
Wanna make that very clear,
Just show me some Christmas cheer.

Hey, hey, honey chile’
Cantcha chill for a while?

Hit Pause for Santa Claus,

Let go of that hectic lifestyle,
C’mon, toss that office file
Shine on a big ole smile
Is all I ask with no guile.

Hit Pause for Santa Claus

Hey, that ain’t crampin’ your style,
Do somethin’ fun before you go senile;
Smile, smile, long as a mile.

It’s Christmas time in the city,
In the country,
In the valley,
So let’s have a pep rally

For Christmas merry, merry

Hit Pause for Santa Claus

Let’s all be jolly,
Stop and smell the holly.

Hit Pause for Santa Claus

So we can all have a merry, merry

CHRISTMAS

[Note: The original lyrics above were slightly changed in the video to accommodate the limitations of the singer’s vocal range.]

Code E3 — Stat

/ Karina Pinella / 11 Comments

Loaded and ready to go,
Appeared to have a good start,
Then flashed a code E3,

Thus began my woe;
The washer required a $600 part
Plus labor expenses charged hourly.

Instead of wasting my dough,
I took an old go-cart,
Piled in all my dirty laundry,

Like a furious bat,
I raced to the local laundromat,
STAT . . .

I’ll be parked here for a while,
Feeling like I’m in exile,
Until there’s no more unwashed pile.

Image: Pixabay

Crapper John

/ Karina Pinella / 7 Comments

Inspired by various events

When sh-t happens,
Crap hits the fan;
No ifs, ands, or buts left unsoiled.

Hell breaks loose,
Time is squandered;
Stress levels up the wazoo.

Comfort comes at a premium,
Think Charmin vs. a generic product;
The john the only source of solace.

Poetic Just Is

/ Karina Pinella / 11 Comments

(1st of a mini-series of taking poetic license)

I made a decision.
Stop with the inquisition.
It just is.

My mind is made,
Nothing more to be weighed.
It just is.

Simply admire the gloss,
And accept that I’m my own boss.
It just is.

There’s no age limit
To getting a mullet.
So get used to it.

Image: Pixabay

You may also want to see:
2nd of the mini-series
3rd of the mini-series
4th of the mini-series
5th and last of the mini-series

Graduation Day

/ Karina Pinella / 2 Comments

Your diploma is here,
You’ve reached a milestone,
This is your last school year!
Now time to pay off that Sallie Mae loan . . .

Oops Brief: Padding the Truth

/ Karina Pinella / 3 Comments

Image: Pixabay

Louisa glances at the time on her computer. A quarter of an hour before meeting with the company president! Quickly, she takes her purse and suit jacket, stopping by the restroom to freshen up. She gives herself a once-over at the waist-length mirror. Her self-inspection halts at the perspiration soaking through the sides of her blouse. She rushes to rub her armpits with a paper towel. A vision of sweat seeping through her thin, light-colored suit jacket concerns her. Just then her eyes land on a mini-vending machine for sanitary pads.

With growing annoyance, she tries to attach the sticky side of the panty liner on the slippery lining of her suit jacket’s armhole. She’ll just clamp her armpits down on the makeshift sweat shields. She heads out to meet with the president.

The meeting begins without a hitch and some people come in to join them. As the meeting continues to go well, Louisa finds herself relaxing and enjoying the group. Toward the end, the tone starts to lighten up. They start getting up, sharing anecdotes, with one trying to be funnier than the other.  Caught up with the others showing off their wit, Louisa thinks of a perfect tale. She makes grand gestures as she tries to impress her audience. Immediately, she realizes her mistake. One panty liner lands on the floor, while the other barely clings on to her skirt. This will be one story everyone will be talking about in the next meeting.

Orlando

/ Karina Pinella / 8 Comments

Opening Spring Fling in Florida – Part 2 of 3

Our return to an expanded Disney Springs.

(sung to the tune of Abba’s Fernando)

Can you hear the gasp, Orlando?
I remember long ago when souvenirs were less than this
On a fire sale day, Orlando.
You’ve come a long way from a few shops to miles of chains
I could hear the constant ka-ching,
And sounds of consumerism from all over.

They are so many now, Orlando.
Every hour, every minute a sale is made
My eyes are glazed, Orlando.
Every turn I make, there’s a character from the past and present,
And I’m a little ashamed to say,
The sights and sounds still impress me.

Other parts:
Part 1
Part 3

Egged On

/ Karina Pinella / 4 Comments

Eight-year-old Freddy’s current purpose in life is playing tricks on his five-year-old brother, Jack. In the early morning of Easter, Freddy sneaks outside to the henhouse to place a ceramic egg he made as a school project in one of the hens’ nests. He runs back inside the house and creeps upstairs to wake up Jack.

“Hey, Jack,” Freddy whispers to his little brother, as he shakes him. “Get up.”

Jack’s eyes flutter.

“Jack, you just missed the Easter Bunny.”

Jack stirs and struggles to sit up. He still believes in the Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus, and most of all, the Easter Bunny. He moans, “That’s not fair. I missed it again.” Rubbing his eyes, Jack looks at Freddy and says, “Why do you always get to see all the magical stuff?”

“I told you last night to get up early today so you can see the Easter Bunny delivering the eggs.”

Jack swings his legs down to the side of the bed. “What’d you see? Tell me!”

Freddy pulls Jack by his arm. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Together the two brothers dash downstairs and outside to the henhouse.

“Whoa! I’ve never seen an Easter egg like that.” Jack races over to the hen sitting atop a red-colored egg trimmed with gold lines and swirls. The hen clucks and flaps her wings as Jack reaches under to take the egg.

“I’m going to show this to Mom and Dad!” Jack runs outside with the egg, slamming the screen of the henhouse behind him.

Still inside the henhouse, Freddy cracks up and thinks about his next trick.

“That’s not funny.” A voice squawks at him. Startled, Freddy looks around at the hens.  To get away, Freddy tears away outside and sees Jack coming around from the side of the wooden house.

“April Fools!” Jack laughs at Freddy. “I did get up early, but I heard you leave so I looked outside my window and saw you carrying something red in your hands.”

Just Desserts

/ Karina Pinella / 8 Comments

Image: Pixabay

Start of a new week,
Greet Sunday with a sundae,
Or, maybe parfait?

Sweet tooth for a tooth;
The dentist has much to fill,
But it’s all worth it.

The Who Am I Tag

/ Karina Pinella / 6 Comments

Image: Pixabay

As mentioned before, I tend to be late in responding to tags and awards from my readers, but I rarely forget to follow up.

Thanks, Bookidote, for your tag. The rules for this tag are for me to answer some questions and take selected personality tests. Because such tests can be time consuming, allow me to bend the rules, turn the test into a fictional exercise and fabricate my answers. Is that revealing, or what?

What is the meaning of my name?
Karina is a derivative of “careening,” which is indicative of how I careen from certain matters, such as playing it totally straight with readers. (That would be oh-so boring.)

What is my Myer-Briggs personality type?
I challenge being typecast even though such tests often reveal that I would make an excellent shoe salesperson.  Although I’m a big advocate for the right of a foot to remain comfortable all day long, I know deep inside we all want to wear ruby red shoes and be noticed. So I refuse to judge anyone who would rather wear a sparkler than a neutral pair to go with their outfit.

Other shoe salespersons you may have run into:
Larry (Macy’s)
Chelsea (DSW)
Hank (Footlocker)

What is my zodiac sign?
I am one with the universe and so I shall not isolate any one sign to define me.  Besides, I don’t think of myself as an old goat.

What is my Hogwarts House?
After way too much sorting by my classmates who could never figure me out, I was thrown out and told to start my own house. So let’s say I’m in the doghouse.

What are my learning style(s)?
All I know is you don’t touch a hot stove. I learnt my lesson the hard way.

Am I right or left-brain dominant?
My brain tends to shift to the right and left at different hours of the day. It’s like a sundial. I follow the direction of the sun.

What is my blood type?
When it comes to blood, I prefer not to have my vital fluids typed, sketched, or drawn. Just let my blood in my veins be!

What career am I meant to have?
I’m meant to be a wonderer. I’m still wondering what I should be doing.

What Divergent faction do I belong to?
I diverged to the point of not belonging in any tribe.

What does my birth order say about me?
I wasn’t the firstborn, so I’ve never felt like a guinea pig.

As always, I open this tag to all. You can answer all questions or select just those that you feel compelled to answer. Don’t be a stranger (to yourself)!